Life On The Outside (Randyjw; August 11, 2018)
Birds of prey cry out,
born just the other day
Already circling the skies
they fly from tree to tree
Like the hawks, are men
casting a leering eye
through the walls
of my bedroom,
which should have been
I didn’t ask to be here
I didn’t expect that a lifetime
of working
Would land me curbside
on a stoop of brick pavers
A graffitied backdrop
replacing sheer curtains, instead
If you want, you can check
you can see my verifiable record
from when I started my labor, underage,
and how it continued mostly nonstop
And you can screen my drug-free blood
and wonder why these pincushion-like arms
all red and bumpy, and gnawed on by ants and mosquitoes
Have never experienced the wrong shot
Berate me all you want
through your zip-coded status
or your caste-creating lot
I’ve shunned that kind since childhood
having grown up in that spot
But, I will not forgive you your disrespect
your lack of manners, uncircumspect
inviting yourself bedside, beyond my front door
to wake me and grope me through invisible walls
My body isn’t yours for the taking
My head and heart already found a home within
Stop accosting me and assaulting me
And get your dog’s poop cleaned up from out of my yard
I might sleep near the sidewalk, in dark, outside
So I will pray to G-d I might live through this night
The stark realities of being a homeless woman, tired of shelters which warehouse people for the money, and instead now living on the street in order to have more freedom to look for work and attend to daily needs, means the presumptions of most people, whether homeless or otherwise, that:
1) You choose to be living “the homeless lifestyle”;
2) You don’t want to work;
3) That you’re a drug or alcohol abuser;
4) That homelessness automatically makes you a “lady of the night,” willing to do anything for a couple of dollars, if you’re a woman.
I can assure you that none of the above are true. I have been accosted by men more times than I can even begin to recall. There is a chauvinist power trip aspect by the homeless men over the homeless women, using a pretense of protecting the woman, when, instead, they try to take everything they can get from the women. The men will invade the privacy of a woman and baldly interrupt their private attendings. The men will also wake or keep a woman up, so as to deprive them of sleep. While I have worked for years to, while not negative, to at least keep my credit neutral, I now have several unexpected emergency room visits to out-of-network hospitals resulting in major unpaid medical bills to mar my credit, and which I cannot now pay due to homelessness and lack of employment. One such major bill is due to the lack of food and sleep deprivation I was experiencing, caused considerably by these circumstances. Yesterday morning, I woke up to two different men, both of whom had snuck up while I was sleeping and did G-d knows what – – some of which I became aware as I awoke and they were lying next to me. I was being groped. This happened TWICE, yesterday; and it’s not the first time this has happened. I’ve had it up to where three different men have come, basically in succession, to harass me by various means and methods. I am feeling very disgusted, ashamed, harassed, angry, sad, violated. Even surrounded by other people, they didn’t wake up when it was happening one time, and I was loud. Other people will not “get involved” because of the “snitch factor.” Too many people are being stabbed, shot, and killed. Believe me; I am not here by choice, but, unfortunately, through consequence.
I pour out my feelings online – – to people, about people, about who I love, or who or what types of behavior (terrorism, chauvinism, anti-Semitism, etc.) I don’t. If someone can love someone, without happening to have a consummation of a physical nature, but love them in heart and spirit, isn’t that enough? Who can decide that answer other than the parties involved? Certainly not by bullying from any outside peanut galleries, wouldn’t you agree?
Thank you, angel girl, for coming to my rescue in the midst of this difficult-to-say writing, just as I was beginning to cry. I appreciate the food and cold drinks you brought. It gives me a moment of sustenance and caring, away from danger. Thank you for sustaining me.
I thank those, as well, who are working to help stop just such abuses towards women: you know who you are. xoxo.
News Notes 1 